Dating is hard, dating when you’re a woman is harder—the entire thing is a battlefield. You’re navigating a minefield of complexities, but they all start with a most basic question: Do I have any friends I can talk to about this?

It’s not so much about what any one site is, it’s about how good you are at picking the right one. Most dating sites market themselves as efficient, but I find them to be quite cumbersome. I just like to browse because it feels like I’m in Vegas, in a way. I feel like I’m shopping for something.

No one should have to go through what you did in order to write this guide. We do it because we care about you and want to help you enjoy dating.

1) Everything Is a Tale, an Exaggeration or a Real Happenstance

Most sites are driven by user behavior, algorithms, and the conversations taking place in chat rooms all over the world. All of that is compiled into a pretty comprehensive dating profile, which includes not just a basic bio and pictures, but also a list of questions based on a person’s interests and quirks that you answer. What you say matters.

On Ok Cupid, for example, I answer an open-ended question about the sorts of things I enjoy and the sorts of things I’m curious about in a way that reflects the person I want to be friends with.

I try to personalize my profile so that I’m answering something that they are interested in. What I write in my profile is simply an up-front introduction to me, who I am and what I value in the world. The responses you get matter and determine what you talk about. I only ask that if you want to date me. I’m not looking for a love-affair, but a friendship.

Here’s the thing: If you talk about an experience you’ve had or a thing you find interesting—even something that’s not a person, per se—it is one of those “assholes you meet in real life who say the exact same things, in the exact same way, with the exact same expression on their face and that are always kind of secretly evil and into random kink” kind of people. Your answers influence people’s opinions of you, and your personality is a big part of that. You want to be yourself. You want to be genuine. You want to be honest.

2) Everyone Is J
The Dictator

OK, so maybe there are some people who won’t go out with the guy who orders them things on Tinder, but the point here is that it’s really tough to be the guy who drives everyone else crazy. You have to learn to navigate relationships with this in mind.

So how do you do that? First of all, you have to know what you’re looking for in a woman. If you’re in a sincere place and you’ve thought about it, you will know what makes you happy, or what’s important to you. And being comfortable with yourself is the first step to being in the right place.

So don’t be this guy who takes you on a first date and orders the entire dinner, then gets mad if she drinks anything other than soda. You have to know your habits and what you’re comfortable with. If you can’t handle a beer or two with dinner, it’s best to say that from the beginning. If you can’t eat the whole thing in one sitting, you should be mindful of that, as well.

So how do you tell her these things? The best way to do that is to ask her, in a way that isn’t overly assertive. Rather, when she seems to be ordering the alcohol, you can say something like, “I understand that this is normal, but a lot of people don’t like it and I think you might want to consider the other options.” You want to be soft, so don’t come across as demanding or rude. Just be genuine and thoughtful about it.

To be honest, as a man, if I’m comfortable enough in a relationship to be aware of my habits, I can’t imagine why a woman wouldn’t have similar habits.

Also, if you’re completely confident—being aware of yourself and what you want, knowing what you like, and being willing to put yourself in uncomfortable situations—then you’re going to be a lot easier on yourself, so make sure that you always take that into consideration.

Pro Tip: You may also want to consider that there are plenty of women out there who are perfectly comfortable ordering. Make sure that she’s not just drinking coke on dates, because that’s what you’re used to.

The Nice Guy

You like to be kind and considerate, and you’re not a dick, but you may find yourself feeling like you don’t fit the mold of what a man should be. You know the


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